Focus Fire

I've started writing a bit again.

It is slow.

It is fickle.

Hopefully, it lasts.

Prose Poem

You are the sea.  My mind can no longer process the vast blue water without your intrusion.  Everything, the salty air, the push and pull of the tide, the Sun's reflected rays, every aspect is infected with you. I want to bathe in the sea.

Coins

I sat at dinner with an old friend. Old friends are unique. They know you, the real you, the you that doesn't feel the need to impress. Old friends talk. They don't bring up daily events, gossip, or inane politics. Old friends cut to the core of issues, listen to responses, and reply with pertinent input.

I realized a new truth while I sat at dinner with an old friend. You weren't happy in our marriage, not for a very long time. That isn't the new truth. That is a known truth. The new truth was coming to terms with the fact that you were so unhappy that you sought to make me feel as unhappy as you did.

Often, you talk about how you haven't been angry through this entire ordeal. Though I've seen you hurt and angry, I will choose to imagine you are capable of understanding the world as it is. You have been more capable of moving on, less capable of pain, because your pain has long passed. Having freely admitted that you never forgave me fully after our first separation, I have realized again and again that you never truly tried after you came back. You had a twofold mission: hurt me as deeply as you felt you had been hurt; get a child. You pushed me to the brink so many times. Each time you were so ready to leave. After all, you had achieved your mission after the little one came into the world. I fought so hard to keep us together. I was fighting for ash. You were already gone. When finally I fell, made my most terrible mistake, you were primed and ready.

I will never forgive you for your great lies. I will never forget the fallacy that was our final years. I will always love you deeply. I will always be proud of my ability to do so in the face of such opposition. Now, if only the coin could reconcile it's sides.